|Lyon of Scrimmage|
|Season 1, Episode 3|
Bad News Bear
Adam joins the football team, but gets the unfulfilling role of water boy.
We first see Jake swinging on a vine and crashes into the lockers. He asks, "Who is your monkey, Adam!" Adam replies in a monotonous voice, "You're my monkey." Jake asks him to do it again and does it the same way. Finally a third time, Adam does it with more excitement and then someone throws a banana at Adam. Adam tries to throw it back at the person who threw it, but it doesn't go far. Jake eats the banana. Suddenly, Principal Pixiefrog tells about Charles Darwin's football team, the Mad Cows take on the Chester Arthur Middle School Semi-Pro team to the whole school. After that, Jake persuades Adam to join the football team. He tries to, but ends up as the water boy. While on the football field, Jake commands Adam to bring him some water and Adam tells Jake that he did become the water boy. Coach Gills blows a whistle and encourages the players to win the game. Adam asks about why the football team has a crummy record. When Coach Gills was just about to explain why, Jake throws a football at Coach Gills and she falls out of her bowl. She says that the quarterback (Jake) is a "dimwit." Jake comes over and picks her up. Adam reads the plays. He thinks they are not hard to remember and says one of the plays. Coach Gills declares Adam the quarterback after listening to that, but he's not good at throwing a ball. An elephant sucks Coach Gills up through its trunk. Adam picks up one of footballs from the pile and throws it, but he is still not good at it. Jake shows Adam how to throw a football, by throwing it so far away, it breaks a window of a man's house. The man exclaims that those footballs are his as more windows keep breaking. Soon the whole house falls apart. Adam quickly pushes Jake and tells him that practice is over. Adam and Jake come walking by and Adam notices a banner that Ingrid and Lupe made. He reads it and tells them that they spelled victory wrong. Adam moves on and notices lots of signs that are cheering for him.
It is now the opening game of the football season. There, Adam and Jake notice how large the opposing players are. Adam calls out the plays to the team and the football is passed on to him. Jake, in Adam's mind, reminds him the things they did at football practice. He starts doing what Jake did earlier. Coach Gills asks what Adam is doing. He throws the football and it still doesn't go far. Then, the players from the Semi-Pro team jump on him and the football goes to them. A player makes a touchdown and gets a squirrel off of his leg. The Semi-Pros are winning by seven points. Adam throws the football again. It doesn't go too far and the Semi-Pros run all over him. He does it again and a Semi-Pros player snatches it away from him. Another Semi-Pros player gets the ball and dribbles Adam like a basketball. They make another touchdown. It is now the end of the first half of the game and the Semi-Pros are winning by twenty-six points. Coach Gills screams while Jake cheers. She reminds him that the Mad Cows are losing with zero points.
In the boy's locker room, Coach Gills asks everyone why Adam got to be the quarterback? Jake answers, "Your precious water boys." Coach Gills knows that Adam has the brains and Jake has the arm, but she wants them to figure out how they can make them work together. It is now the second half of the game and Adam walks by....with Jake in his uniform. Adam calls out the plays to the players and they pass the football to Adam. Now the Semi-Pros are coming after them. They take turns screaming and Jake takes Adam out of his uniform. He pulls him back into his uniform, jumps on the Semi-Pros and throws the football to a kangaroo. The kangaroo makes a touchdown and the Mad Cows now have seven points. Adam throws the football again and an anteater gets the football with its tongue. It makes a touchdown also. Adam throws the football to a porcupine and the football pops. He runs and crashes into a pole. The Semi-Pros try to jump on Adam, but they missed. Adam throws the football to a gorilla and it makes a touchdown. Now the Mad Cows have twenty-one points while the Semi-Pros have twenty-six points. They are almost winning the game, but Jake sprained his arm. Coach Gills panics and now Adam has to win the game himself, but the problem is that there's only one play left and Adam is bad at throwing footballs. The Mad Cows can lose the game. Jake picks up his sprained arm and says, "Armadillio!" Adam suddenly comes up with an idea. He goes over and picks up Henry. Adam explains the "Super Secret Desperation Plan" to the players. Henry is thrown over to Adam and a Semi-Pros players grabs him, thinking that he is the football. He makes a touchdown with him only to be revealed that he is not a football. Adam had the football in his helmet and places it onto the field making a touchdown. The Semi-Pros win by one point and the students start to cheer. Coach Gills faints and Assistant Coach Ferret comes over and sends an electric shock to her. Principal Pixiefrog is stuck on a window and he falls into the man that was going to keep the footballs that Jake threw. Jake comes over and asks Adam, "Who's your monkey?" Adam replies, "You're my monkey!" and scratch themselves and someone throws a banana at Adam. He eats it which ends this episode.
- Adam Lyon
- Jake Spidermonkey
- Slips Python
- Windsor Gorilla
- Lupe Toucan
- Ingrid Giraffe
- Coach Gills
- Horace Ferret
- Principal Pixiefrog
- Henry Armadilo
- Chester Arthur Semi-Pros
- Adam: Hey, Coach Gills. The team looks great. Why do they have such a crummy record?
- (Jake is seen, playing quarterback)
- Jake: Ready, 32, 46, pi! Hut, hut, hike!
- (The animals aimlessly run around like mad)
- (Jake goes mad too and chucks the football of the field)
- Coach Gills: Why do we have such a crummy record, Lyon?
- (Coach Gills gets hit by the football, knocking her out of her bowl)
- Coach Gills: (flopping around on the floor) Because our quarterback is a dimwit! (Horace rushes to get her back in her fishbowl) He's got a great arm, but he just can't remember the blasted plays!
- Adam: (to Coach Gills) Excuse me maam, but these plays aren't so hard to remember. (closes the play book) Rollout Option Pass, the offensive line blocks down to prevent a defender from following the pulling guard and the tight end double teams the OT's man. If the defender changes the cover to block, the Quarterback runs behind his two blockers, sending the play into second option.
- Coach Gills: (enlightened) Lyon, I don't know what you just said, but your sure sounded like you knew what you were talking about. You're our new quarterback!
- (Jake throws a football, which crashes through the window of a glass building. A guy sticks his head out the broken hole.)
- Guy: HEY, YOU KIDS! THAT BALL IS MINE NOW!
- (Another ball is thrown through the window next to him)
- Guy: SO IS THAT ONE!
- (Another ball comes in)
- Guy: THANKS! NOW I CAN OPEN A BALL SHOP!
- Lupe: I can not believe our school is finally going to win a game and all thanks to our own little humansapien, Adam.
- (Adam reads Ingrid and Lupe's poster)
- Adam: Go, Adam, Go. Lead animals to viktry? You spelled "victory" wrong.
- Lupe: Ingrid, I told you there were two "E"s.
- Coach Gills: Alright, you Mad Cows. Go out there and win one for the guppy.
- Coach Gills: Maybe it's not too late to become a scuba instructor.
- Pixiefrog: At the end of the first half, it's Semi-Pros twenty six, the Mad Cows, a big fat zero.
- Coach Gills: WHAAAAAA!
- Jake: Oh, yeah! Woo! Woo! Woo!
- Coach Gills: We're at the zero, Spidermonkey!
- Jake: Hey, zero's better than nothing.
- Coach Gills: I don't get it. Lyon, you've got the brain, and Spidermonkey, you've got the arm. Can't you figure out how to make them work together?
- Jake: Yeah, but that would require major surgery.
- The title of this episode is a pun on the nickname given to the Michigan football team, "The Lions of Scrimmage", more formally known as "The Detroit Lions".
- Charles Darwin's football team is called "The Mad Cows".
- CDMS has won absolutely no trophies in the past, since they've never won any contests. However, in "Animal Testing", Mr. Blowhole said that the school would certainly with their interschool spelling bee "once again", implying they have won at least one spelling bee.
- Lupe refers to Adam as a "Humansapien", combing the two terms for person, "Human" and "Homosapien" together.
- First appearance of Henry Armadilo.
- First mention of Adam's former human school, Chester Arthur Middle School.
- Running Gags: 1. Kid's throwing a banana at Adam and calling him a monkey boy. 2. Mentions of the eighth grade.